i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
