ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
