I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
my liver is dry heaving
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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