We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
