one two three fourrrrnication!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
