I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
