So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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