he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
