your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
