so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
