You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
