Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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