R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
