4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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