I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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