You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
