OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
