He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
