3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pants 0. Shit 1.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
