I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
