i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
