You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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