She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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