Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
