I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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