A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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