I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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