she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
