I skipped work to stalk him.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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