so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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