how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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