Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
