I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
