I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
