So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm passing your future prison.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
