I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
