Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
