Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
