We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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