I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
