you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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