I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
