ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
