You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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