I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
