the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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