you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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