I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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