Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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