i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
