on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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