i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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