Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
