If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
