It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
