please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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