My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
