My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
