maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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