In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
