32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
