I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
