One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
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I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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