He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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