What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
