im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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