I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
