i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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