My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
