Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
being pregnant is like rehab
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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