and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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