Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
