Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
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